Wedding Vows

These are the vows I wanted read at our wedding, but the pastor wouldn't let us do it.

From this day on I most choose you, Boyce.
To be my husband.
To live with you and laugh with you.
To stand by your side and sleep in your arms.
To be joy to your heart and food for your soul,
To bring out the best in you always,
And, for you, to be the most that I can be.

To laugh with you in the good times,
To struggle with you in the bad,
To solace you when you are down-hearted,
To wipe your tears with my hands,
To comfort you with my body,
To mirror you with my soul,
To share with you all my riches and honors,
To play with you as much as I can
Until we grow old, and still loving
Each other sweetly and glady
Our lives shall come to an end.

His laughter

I'm sitting here listening to my sweetheart laughing. belly laughing. His friends are here and they are playing with a massager. seeing if they can massage their feet, he's ticklish and just laughing like a kid. I like to hear him laughing like that. Like there's nothing in the world wrong. Nice!

my mind is spinning

I can't seem to be able to hold onto a thought for a single second. My brain spins all of the time, no wonder I'm having major sleep problems. not necessarily worry about Boyce and the Alzheimer's, just rethinking my life as if I can do anything about the past. thinking the future as if I can do a whole lot about that. I AM finally at peace about the suck job. I've been offered another job, but it would be the same amount of hours but getting more then $2 less an hour, and I've concluded I just can't do that. I'm better off to stay at this job until the time I have to quit to take care of Sweetie. I will have to cancel my health insurance in November, but that can't be helped. I need that $140 a month for other bills. I will be checking into Medicare and Medicaid as a caregiver that would help alot, but I'm not for sure it's possible. We'll see.

Rough Night

It's been a rough couple of days, not so much stuff happening as my mind is out of control. I'm worrying obsessively and I can't seem to get it under control. worrying about money, worrying about any little change in Boyce drives me insane and panicky. I can't seem to calm my mind down much to be able to get to sleep, but once I get to sleep I can sleep pretty well. I'm going through periods of sleep deprivation again. And that really messes with my attitude and my ability to stay in my calm zone. I'm hoping I can go to sleep in a few minutes and be able to take a mini-vacation away from my worries and enjoy Dreamland.