What a summer we have had!  Good and bad  The good is the 2 vacations we've had this summer. Both at Tybee Island Georgia.  and had a great time during both of them, but in the middle were two hospitizations and untold craziness.  His Alzheimer's is progressing at alarming speed now.  Crazier and crazier incidents.  finding shoes in the refrigerator because I told him to put his shoes up and he did- in the refrigerator.  Huh!  went psychotic at the thought of him actually being married to me(God forbid) he was horrified when I got out our marriage certificate and he realized he was actually married to me for 20 years.  can't complete a sentence and it's not that he doesn't know what he's thinking, it's that he can't verbalize it.  on and on we go.


Now I have decided we have no choice but to move ourselves to Georgia. While it makes me incredibly sad to be leaving Steven over here, at least I know he's in good hands with Amanda and her family and we will make plenty of trips to see each other. I have been called selfish to want to move to Georgia, but really is it any more selfish to want to be where I am actually getting help for me and him or is it more selfish to want us to be here so when and if you decide you might want to see him, you could.  Really if you are only seeing him every few months or so, what is the point?
Anyways, I see a big blowup in my future, but it is what it is and for once, I'm going to do something that is right for me.

Blessed with the gift of time

Well, so much for being committed to writing in my blog more often.  Anyways, I was pondering our upcoming trip to Tybee Island.  And go to thinking about whereas I don't consider Alzheimer's a blessing, not by any stretch of the imagination,  but I do believe Boyce and I have been blessed with the gift of time.  Not many people would feel so blessed.  Of course, time with Alzheimer's is a two-edged sword, it is still in the end, we have the blessing of time with each other,  time to live like we are dying and to live like we are dogs just let out of the gate.  Every day is different and every day it is a different perspective.  Some days are seen through rose-colored glasses and some days are black rolling clouds of pain, but they can all be tempered with out attitude.  I am working on keeping an attitude of gratifude.  For my life, his life, even our circumstances.   This is an opportunity of a lifetime to just life our lives as us, just us.

Morning Ladies

I have committed to writing more often.  Obviously for my own benefit.  I can post on Facebook, but I feel like I have to be careful about what I say and how I say it and who might I hurt from saying it. And it results in a sometimes blurred statement of my feelings.  Here I can just tell it like it is.  I can speak like my momma, who didn't mince words.  She wasn't cruel, but, by golly, she just said what she thought and if you didn't like it 'Oh Well'. 

I have a variety of concerns and horrors dealing with this. Money is still and always will be a biggie.  Concern that I am not doing something for him that I should or could do.  Of course, the lack of family support is huge and maddening.  Here again, I would like to be like Mom and just speak my mind and if it hurts you, so be it. I would have to belief  if what I say hurts you then you are probably not doing what you should or could be doing to help.   Another problem on my part is all of these jumbled feelings and thoughts. I can't seem to get my own mind organized how can I expect Boyce to and he has the disease.  Even though, we joke we sometimes take turns having it and it's all good, except on the days we both have it.

Anyways, I love ya'll  for listening to my crazy ramblings.

Surprise!  Here I am!  Long time no see.  nobody's fault, but my own.  Sometimes I can't formulate thoughts into complete sentences.  Sometimes I have too many words to be able to write down.  Too many emotions that don't even have words. I'm going to try to do better as I think it will help my isolation.  Maybe I can give this blogging thing another try.  I know it helps me. So even if no one else reads it, it will be a benefit.

It's a New Year!

Wow! I haven't posted in a while. Let's see where to start. Things are better for now. Of course, I know it is a progressive disease, but for right now, he seems to be doing better. The dr. just about his meds. the way he wants them. He's sleeping better, eating better, laughing more. Still has some down days and some confused days, but don't we all? It is pure joy to hear him laughing again. such a sweet sweet man and I am so blessed to have him for whatever time God gives me.

Update on Boyce

The shock therapy really didn't do what we had hoped that it would. It has helped increase his appetite and he is sleeping better, but no real change in his depression. I have a hard time telling when he is depressed as he hides it so well. But he'll tell his home health nurse that it is a 6 on a 1 to 10 scale. And it just floors me. Because he doesn't seem that down. He's not crying as much as he was, but he's still saying he is that down. And then when I asked him about why I can't see it, he accused me of saying he was lying. What! Anyways, I have a hard time with that.

He is now seeing a home health nurse to monitor his blood pressure, his moods and his weight. He will be seeing an occupational therapist, a speech therapist and a social worker for the next couple of months. So, hopefully, he'll start to benefit from these people. They all have been really nice and caring people, and very thorough. So I feel comfortable for Teresa, Pam, Choya and I don't know who the speech pathologist will be to be here working with my Sweetieface.

As for me, I still stress out about money. My hours being cut back didn't help, but I feel more hopeful about things. Joanie got my medicine back started and is checking into Medicaid and Choya said there maybe a couple of programs that will help financially, so things are looking up. And I'm placing it ALL in God's hands and leaving it there. God has sustained us so far and will continue to love us and bless us.

Heart Confusion

I'll catch everybody up on Boyce in a few days. I just had to write about this to maybe clear my heart and mind about it.

Have you ever had to humble yourself? I did this week and it was hard, unbelievably hard. I was accused some time back as being 'PROUD' It took me many long hard years to feel proud of myself. but apparently it's a bad thing: to be proud. It is extremely hard for me to ask for help. any kind of help But this week, I was telling a lady that I worked with about 15 years ago and we see each other at Wal-Mart when she shops fairly often and chitchat while she's there, but not really a friend, about what a rough time we are having. I was off for 2 months taking care of Boyce while he had his shock therapy and obviously wasn't getting paid for it. I even dropped my health insurance, because I knew I wouldn't be able to pay the premiums, but when I came back to work, they dunned my check. Well, come to find out, I have to pay my premiums until the first of the year and then it drops. So I worked last week and this week for free. I was so upset, because we only had $173.00 in the bank, still have a pile of bills, and no expectation of any money coming in. So I was telling her about it. And she casually said "I have a hundred dollar bill that you can have" and I said 'No, I couldn't do that' so we hugged and I thanked her for the thought, went back to work and she went on her way. Five minutes later, she came back with tears in her eyes and said "God told me that I can't leave Wal-Mart until I give this to you. I'll just blow it and you really need it. I can't go unless you take this. So I took it and just bawled like a baby. I had to leave the store and go outside to cry. God is awesome and Robin must have been his angel that night. But it changed my spirit. humbling myself and I know God wants us to be humble, but it was so so hard. life changing really